LIFE OR DEATH

2017-04-21 14.34.48SITTING IN A DINER

ALL ALONE

RAIN COMING DOWN

WAITING FOR THE SUNSHINE

THE JUKEBOX IS PLAYING 

A SAD SONG

DRINKING MY COFFEE

THINKING IN THIS MOMENT OF TIME;

SOMETIMES LIFE JUST

ISN’T FAIR

THINKING OF YOU

REMEMBERING YOUR SMILE

I KNOW I’M TO BLAME

FOR YOUR DEATH

YOU SAVED A LIFE

BUT, I, I DIDN’T WANT A CHILD;

I KNOW YOU ARE IN

HEAVEN NOW

WHERE THERE’S NO PAIN

A RAINBOW SHINES FOR YOU

NOW I HAVE TO LIVE

KNOWING THAT

YOU ARE DEAD BECAUSE

I WANTED TO KILL A PART OF YOU;

MY MIND IS SEARCHING

FOR THE ANSWERS

WHY DID YOU HAVE TO LEAVE

WHY DID YOU HAVE TO DRIVE

ON THAT RAINY NIGHT

IF ONLY YOU WOULD’VE STAYED

YOU WOULD STILL BE ALIVE

Human Being 

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I am just a human being
What is inside can’t be seen
A broken, shattered heart
A frozen soul ice hard
Your eyes can’t pentatrate
My mind, you can’t alleviate
My deep hidden pain
You can’t help or change
Who I am or what I am
You won’t understand;
I make many mistakes
Gone through heartbreak
Misery is an unwanted friend
That visits time and again
Sadness is well known
The darkness is my home;
Into the mirror I gaze
I am caught in a haze
What do I see before me
A broken, fragile human being
I am not perfect, I am alive
If you could feel as I
You would massage my heart
Caress my mind which is dark
You would gently hold
My shattered, aching soul;
Can you show me how to smile
Am I too repulsive and vile
Teach me how to feel
Let your warm embrace heal
I am not normal, far from
You might just turn and run;
I am barely a man, disesteemed
By definition only, a human being

I’m Broken

broken

My heart is stained, stained greatly with pain

My blood flows like shards of glass in my veins

Deep, deep, deep inside the flame glows brightly

Intense heat, intense flame, intense burning

Insane, insanity to the extreme, fierce insanity

I can’t breathe, just deep searing pain in my chest

I can’t speak, my brain is throbbing in my skull

Bones, my bones weak and feel cracked and broken

I can’t see, too blind from the blood and ashes in my eyes

Bruises, aches, aches and bruises up and down my body

Invisible aches and bruises inside my tortured body

Cuts and scratches on my flesh run deep to my core

You can’t see me, you don’t know me

I’m just a shell

Forced to live in this cruel,

Blackened,

Heartless Hell

 

Zombie

zombie-eyes

I haven’t had sleep for several days

My eyes are open but I’m in a haze

My mind wanders off to different places

The things I see, the people’s faces

They are never the same each time I look

 They always change like the pages of a book

The sky black, the night never seems to end

The strange temptations that come from within

I am made strictly of flesh and blood

The extreme pain is all I’m thinking of

In my mind I’m falling up I’m falling down

With every breath I can feel my heart pound

The pounding is getting harder and louder

By second, by minute, by hour

Echoing through my body, through my veins

I think I’m on the verge of going insane

I shiver and quiver, start to sweat

What more can I possibly expect

I’m feeling, feeling, feeling like a zombie

My shredded flesh, broken body that of a zombie

My voice rough, my eyes burn

To the earth’s dirt I must return

Farewell my vicious distress

Goodbye; now to forever rest

Imperfect, perfect world

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I wasn’t born in your perfect world

No sunshine or laughter

Only darkness, sadness

No cool rain or light breeze

Always stormy skies, hurricanes

Day, night, awake, asleep;

Why did you drag me away

From your fortress of beauty, greatness

From your perfect world,

Leave me to peer from

The outside looking in,

Standing alone in the cold, dark rain

Staring at the happiness, the sunshine, joy

That is far beyond my reach;

Standing in this hell,

Looking at the unbreakable shell

To which I have not the might to pierce;

We are worlds apart,

One bright, one dark

Opposite lives, reality

One of despair, one of fantasy;

We are both of human flesh

We do both breathe

We both have a heart

Our bodies do both bleed;

Nevertheless,

You will always be in your own world

While I will always be on the outside looking in

Mental Axe

axe

Drain the pain from my veins

Remove this hurt from me

I can’t take it anymore

Drown my sorrow;

Living in torment,

I dream of a painless tomorrow;

No days or nights

No sun or moon;

Open or closed

My eyes see the same thing

Darkness all around;

The blackness, darkness, emptiness

Goes on and on

Like an endless sea,

An ocean of misery;

My heart suffering,

Wailing in extreme agony;

Anguish, despair,

Pain and distress

Have merged with my soul;

I shall forever live with

This mental axe

Stag

stag

Will I live, will I die,

With this pain inside?

Blurry vision from my teary eyes

I can’t laugh – only cry

I love her, she denies me

I don’t have her, I don’t have a father

I don’t have a friend, I don’t have anything

Misery flows through my blood

Pain is all I feel;

I don’t know who I am anymore

What have I become?

Waiting in this lonely world for death

My brain, my soul is rotting away

From all this pain, depression, loneliness

No more am I – no more Stag;

I can feel myself falling

Into the deep mystery of my unconsciousness

I am slowly fading away and no one cares;

I hear a clock ticking in my head

Echoing louder and louder,

I’m caught in a black-hole whirlpool

Spinning endlessly,

No other existence but me and this blackened hole

No space, no universe;

I’ve become a helplessly lost soul

No more am I, no more am I

No more Stag, no more Stag